My dear, sweet friend Beth...

One of my very bestest friends, Beth, called me yesterday, sorta out of the blue. I mean, I had talked to her about a week ago, but we usually only talk once every month unless we've got plans going. She is a busy girl, as she has a four kids under the age of 6, most recently twins she had 10 weeks ago (which I have not yet seen, and I am bummed about this).

She starts the conversation, "You wanna adopt a kid?" I just sort of sympathize with her, then say, "Why? Which one you trying to get rid of?" She drops the bombshell. "One that's not here yet." WHA??? I am still saying "OH..... MY..... GOSH!" over and over in my head.

Yes, you heard me right. Beth is pregnant again--approximately five weeks along--after just delivering TWINS 10 weeks ago. I am impressed she felt like being with her husband that soon. And mortified. I am also feeling very helpless, feeling like she needs someone, and pronto. Overall, she is joking and laughing about it, although I know she's very much still in shock/denial. Her family is full of secrets, secrets they will take with them to the grave.... And I know it would take a very earth-shattering event to get her to panic enough to ask for help.

Most of all, I miss her mom for her. Liz died a little over a year ago, and has missed so much, and has been missed so much. She is one of the only family member Beth had left that she could truly count on. I am sad that half of her grandchildren will never know her on this earth, and the other half will have very few memories that will make it with them to adulthood.

Okay, this post has ended up not quite as I had intended it.

Computers Suck!

Long story short, I spent half the day yesterday and most of the day today trying to get rid of some stupid Trojan.StartPage virus I've got. It did prompt me to get an updated copy of virus software (mine expired about a month ago, I guess), which is a very good thing. I just wish I didn't have to fix my computer. I'm still sort of stuck on how to get rid of it--Symantec's removal suggestions didn't help, and there's no automatic tool.... DARNIT. So if anyone has some words of wisdom, I'd be your best friend forever. The happy thing is that I finally got my Internet and e-mail working again. For a while there, all I could do was sign on and stare at the error messages.

On a totally unrelated note, I did get The Sims 2 as well, but my laptop is too slow to make it even worth trying my patience to play. Someday when I get tired of fixing this stupid laptop I'll get a computer that will do justice to the game. =) As if that was a computing priority, right?!

I will try to blog more later, after I finish typing for the Dr. I really don't want to. I hate feet.

Very drained

Today marks the second anniversary of my Uncle Andy’s death. I guess I hadn’t realized it until mid-way through the day, but this knowledge seemed to match a lot of the day’s activities. All mom was trying to do was talk to me about something (not even directly related to me), and it brought on a tidal wave of emotions that I wasn’t at all prepared for. We began talking about things I haven’t talked to anyone about in years, and, of course, I cried. I cried about past hurts relived. I cried about things that I didn’t know were worthy of tears. I cried, and then I laughed at myself because I was crying. Stupid, stupid hormones! In the end, it did make me feel better having had the conversation, having cried the tears. I feel like talking to my mom and knowing she has had similar thoughts has made me feel like I am not quite as insane as first thought—which is sort of depressing, since I was blaming my problems on insanity. If I’m not insane, then the things I’ve been feeling are normal…. I don’t buy that, either.

I’m very tired, so I’m going to get ready for bed.

I love my horses!

Not new news, I know! But they gave me good reason today.

I have been pretty low emotionally ever since Hunter's birth. Maybe some of you have noticed, I don't know. There really are a lot of reasons, and it is a bit complicated. A lot of it is hormones (Yay! Womanhood!). A lot of it is house-related stress (Yay! Two house payments!). A lot of it is feeling like Billy is never home (Yay! Alone-ness!). A lot of it is not getting to ride (Yay! Inactivity!). A little bit of it is past demons coming back to haunt (Yay! Stupid boys!). Long made short, I've been on this stupid emotional roller-coaster for seven months. Billy says he can always tell when I haven't spent time with the horses, because I get very angry. Anyway....

I was sent to ride the horses today, and to clean Moe's nasty legs. While I don't have much to say about Moe's legs (except EWWW!), I do have a lot to say about my sweet Trinity. She was just so good, I was very happy with her. She's not been ridden in over a month, and she was even more well-behaved than I could've hoped for. Most people won't just hop on a horse that hasn't been ridden in that long (especially one so young) because usually it's a recipe for at the very least an exciting ride. They'll usually lunge a horse (put it on a line and make it circle around at a trot or canter in order to work out kinks and get the horse settled down) first. Most who know me and pay attention to my riding know that I very rarely will lunge a horse. I just get on and hope for the best.

I trotted Trinity around a couple of times, and she was great even with the potential distractions (people driving and walking down the road on the other side of the scary trees, the neighbor's horse-hating dog chained up in the yard). I cantered her around a couple of times, and she was as relaxed and together as I could've expected. We then went for a ride around the new houses, and she was pretty good--even let Mitchell (on his bike) and Marissa come up behind her to say hi. She is a joy to ride.

All in all, it was a very good pick-me-up, except for the parts of me jiggling that weren't supposed to be. I would expect my riding muscles to be jiggling (my legs, my arms, my back), but my spare tire??? What's up with that? I am sure hoping the move and my return to hormonal normalcy will help with all of that. I think I'm so stressed that anything I eat is just staying with me. Otherwise, I'm going to have to invest in some new riding gear. It's pretty distracting.

JESUS LOVES YOU! REFINANCE NOW!

Maybe someone else has gotten this spam from a sender called "Christian Mortgage USA." It is so horribly wrong that it makes me laugh. What is wrong with people? On what planet does this seem like a good thing to write to sell mortgages? And why is there a Christian Yellow Pages? With all due respect to Christian business owners out there, I think that many people advertise that they're believers just to make potential customers trust them and give them money. These people may do shoddy work or have horrible prices, but because they're Christians, they're to be trusted.

But someone sending me spam, letting me know that Jesus does love me.... That is good to hear, and does immediately make me think of my poor finances.