I am sure that everyone reading this blog is so
over the complaining I do about his job. But I really mean it this time (yeah, like all those other times were fake!). Billy left at 8 p.m. for his fourth trip to Ohio in five days. While he is only going to Toledo this time, it is his third trip out of town within the week--and do I need to point out that most of these trips were on the weekend?? Should I also point out this was also the weekend we put the old house up for sale (officially), raked the leaves in the pouring rain, held our two open houses, sang in church, and did junior church. AND took care of the chitlins (one of whom, might I add, is incredibly cranky and teething). This is not to say "Lookee me!" This is to say, what is the point of being married? So, that's an extreme view, and not really the view I have [most of the time. Heh.]...... But this is a lot of pressure for me. And even though I know Billy feels the pressure, too, he is out on the road and getting to go places and socialize--and do things that are not directly related to financial strains. I am the one who stares the bills in the face all day long. I feel somehow cheated. Like, it's a party somewhere in his life, and I'm dealing with the mundane details to make sure the party goes on. This sounds absolutely stupid, and I can't explain it. But I can tell you that it's crossed my mind a time or two.
But, I digress. Back to ranting on work.
He goes to Toledo Friday and Sunday. Monday morning he leaves at 1:30 a.m. to go to Sandusky because his co-worker who lives/works there is in West Virginia doing an install job. Realize this, it's a four-hour drive. He gets there at 5:30 a.m. The lady he is supposed to meet doesn't show up until 7:30 a.m. because her boss never tells her she's to be there at 5:00 a.m. He does his work, then slowly makes his way home because a co-worker has given him bad directions to the Ohio Turnpike. Billy doesn't get home until about 4:30 p.m. after doing all of his other work. Come to find out that his co-worker was actually in town and could have done the run to Sandusky because he was told he had too much work to do to go to West Virginia. Thank you for letting Billy know.
He comes home at about 4:30 p.m. tonight, saying he has sent his other co-worker (the one who he is manager over) to do a disinfect at a local clinic. This guy has no clue what he's doing. Basically, Billy spends the next hour on the phone with him trying to walk him through something he's witnessed and participated in dozens of times (even a couple times at that particular clinic). The co-worker gets flustered, and Billy tells him to forget it and go home. I tell Billy that maybe it's him--maybe he isn't telling him how to do this in an understandable fashion. He has the idea that he will send this guy to their office in Chicago for a week to see what the BIG Service Manager thinks.
But then he gets the call to go to Toledo AGAIN tonight. Sigh.
I am not-so-patiently waiting for the day when all of my blog entries are about sunshine and butterflies, but that day is not here yet.
I did make the comment about never getting to spend time with my horses to Billy, who said, "Ride during the day." I asked him how I was to do this, and he said, "You've got sisters all around you." I personally think that is hilarious! I guarantee I am the least busy of all of my siblings. I don't know what my husband is smoking, but I guarantee whatever it is, it's good. And, no, I don't write this to muster up sympathy or to get people to offer watching my kids because I KNOW YOU'RE ALL BUSY--it is life. It is the catch-22 that keeps my depression going a little bit longer, despite the other things that are going well. Once we sell the house, I will set aside some dough so maybe I can get Hunter in with Jeannie or something. It's just not in the cards right now. And, really, until it is, the grumpiness stays. It is not right of me to feel like this, but it is absolutely how I seem to operate. Winter is always hard for me (I wonder if I have SAD?!), but I am usually not down going into it like I am this year.
And I'm so sick of sounding like a broken record. I know too many family members read this and probably think I am emotionally unstable. I make the statement again, it's a blog. I'd be writing the same stuff down if this was a diary; so, just think of this as the closest look you'll probably ever get to the inner-workings of my mind. Guess that doesn't say a lot of nice things about me, now, does it?
I really do pray about this stuff. And I'm very happy Billy has a job and is making money. I just seem to have this hang-up where I feel like everything bad or inconvenient that happens in our lives is compounding and I'm the one who's left to deal with it--and I can't deal with it because it gets to a point where it's almost emotionally crippling.
