ACKKKKKKKK!!!
I just had a sort of lengthy posting that I erased as I was trying to save my mouse from being confiscated by Hunter. Sigh.
Did you ever see the episodes (or comics) of Superman that included Bizarro Superman?? I've come to believe that maybe, just maybe, I have a Bizarro version of myself that mostly shows itself when I am dreaming. At least, that is my hope.
I'll submit for your approval the dream that I had last night. Not really sure of a lot of the particulars, but I do know I had to make a choice between staying with my husband (of whom I am fond, most of the time) and my ex from college, who I've not seen hide nor hair of since, oh, early 1998. And I did not choose my husband. The scary thing was that I was okay with this in my dream. Billy didn't seem too overly upset about it, either.
I have dreams like this from time to time.... which is odd, because I rarely, if ever, think of this dude despite the enormous impact he has had on my life, and the psychological damage he's inflicted that will probably remain with me until the day I die. I find it more than a little unnerving that I find relief in the fact that I keep having these dreams where either he is seeking my approval or it's the other way around. I find peace in knowing that this guy is maybe, just maybe pleased to have me in his presence.
I guess this is why I'd like to dub the dream Jen as "Bizarro Jen".... I don't understand the role of dreams in our lives, and what is supposed to be the significance (hopefully not much) in the fact that I keep having this dream about acceptance in this guy's eyes, even though it's something I'll never be looking to acquire now that I've realized how idiotic that pursuit was in college.
It truly is bizarre, as cliche as that all sounds. Does my subconscious have some morbid fascination that I can never hope to understand? A sadism for not letting the badness in remembering lay forever dead?
Instead of analyzing it all far too much, I will therefore refer to the dream me as "Bizarro Jen" from now on. Because it makes about just as much sense to me now as the Bizarro Superman did then.
....and then there were 5.
11 years ago
2 comments:
That is so crazy. I just got off a conference call that I blamed something on a coworker's bizarro self. Then I check out your blog and you are speaking about Bizarro Jen. We are so strange.
That's a little too weird for me. We are on the same wavelength????
Post a Comment