Foot In Mouth Disease

You ever say something to someone, no matter how true it is or no matter how much that person needs to hear it, and immediately wish you'd kept your mouth shut? It seems to be happening to me a lot lately. It's not that I'm trying to mean or confrontational--though I may be both and I'm just in denial--but I am trying to be as honest as I possibly can. I spent most of the night in fitful sleep with a baby nursing most of the time, so I am cranky and frustrated. But I feel like this was something I needed to share all of the sudden.....

I told my husband that I didn't trust him to provide for me.

Yeah, really.

Cue the dramatic music and silence for the rest of the morning until he left for work without saying good-bye.

Before you say it, I'll say it. That was dumb of me. But not untrue. He has a job that is sketchy, in terms of financial gain, and has been sketchy for months. He spends a whole day away from me to net us a glorious $75 sometimes, and often he burns half of that in fuel just driving to and from the job. I've had to suck up my pride and ask for help with bills with disturbing frequency. So, no, I guess that deep down I don't trust him to provide, though I know he is trying and that he fervently loves us.

What would you have done? I am stuck between a rock and a hard place. I can't personally contribute to our income at this point in time, but this job is barely paying. We seem to be stuck in limbo, waiting for our ship to come in, but I think maybe God is telling me that we can't wait anymore. I just wish I could have expressed it a little more gently....